I would never claim to be an expert on marriage. However, after seven happy years and getting stronger by the day, I think I have some decent input on the subject. So, from one woman to others, here are seven things I've learned about marriage so far.
1: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Living with someone is not a walk in the park. They're going to do things that annoy you, and vice versa. You need to decide what you can live with and what you really can't. The line in the sand is going to be different for everyone, so I can't tell you where to draw it. But if you want to avoid petty arguments, don't pick one over a small issue. Did he leave a cabinet drawer open again? Maybe just close it. He left his pants on the floor? Maybe just put them in the laundry. If it's not something horrible or completely inconsiderate, don't belittle him for it.
2: Make sure you agree on the big stuff - like money.
Small things you can let go, but big stuff is a whole different matter. Those are the things that will cause huge arguments and can even end marriages if you're not careful. Agree on whether or not you want kids and how many. Agree on what quality of life you aspire to. More than anything, agree on how to handle money. Before we got married, my husband sent me a copy of The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. It completely changed my life as a single person and has shaped how we handle life together. It's so simple this way. Using a pre-made formula takes all the stress out. Now it isn't agreeing on how I think we should handle money or how he thinks we should handle money, we just rely on the philosophy of an expert. We have never once had an argument about money.
3: Find the beauty in your partner.
I'm guessing you had some good reasons for marrying your spouse. They must have some good qualities for you to decide that you want to spend the rest of your life beside them. If you find yourself becoming easily aggravated with your spouse, maybe it's time to remind yourself of those reasons. What is it that you truly love about them? When you peel back the sunshine and rainbows, what is it that makes you stay? Your spouse has some amazing qualities; remind yourself of them the next time you want to get up in arms over something insignificant.
4: Stay friends.
Most successful romantic relationships are built on friendship. If you can't think of your spouse as your best friend, you're missing out. Spending time with your best friend is a joy. It rejuvenates you and makes you feel happy. Imagine feeling that way when you spend quality time with your spouse. Take time out to go on dates, even if it's just to walk around a mall and make fun of people. (No, of course I've never done that!) Go have coffee at Starbucks and talk to each other instead of looking at your phones. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised by the interesting conversations that will come up. After times like these, you'll feel incredibly fulfilled and have even more joy in your marriage.
5: Laugh at his jokes.
You know that person with an easy smile and sincere laugh? The one who always brightens your day and makes you feel warm and welcome? Why not be that person? Especially towards the person whose life you affect the most. When your relationship was new, I'm sure it was easy for your spouse to make you laugh. You hadn't learned all those annoying ticks and habits of theirs yet. But why do those things have to stand in the way? It's been scientifically proven that laughter is healing. If you can smile and laugh more, you'll feel happier. This will lead to you smiling and laughing more. See the cycle here? Even if you don't find something particularly funny, laugh about it. Then see how easy it is to laugh about the next thing. Before you know it, you'll be enjoying some kind of hilarity on a daily basis!
6: Have lots of sex.
Going into depth on this feels like beating a dead horse. But I'll expand a little anyway. Being friends and enjoying each other's company won't be enough to ward off temptation if you're not enjoying each other physically. If you feel like your sex life has waned, take the initiative. Get dolled up, put on something that makes you feel sexy, and seduce your man. Maybe even learn a new move. Trust me, he'll appreciate it. The more you make him feel wanted the more he'll make you feel loved. And your marriage will reap the benefits.
7: Compromise truly is everything.
I'm sure that before you got married, other married couples told you that compromise is the key to marriage. Did you forget that? Or, even worse, have you been expecting your spouse to give while you only take? Compromise is a two way street. He can't be the only one doing it. The only thing that will accomplish is to breed resentment towards you. But compromise has a purpose and some unexpected perks. The more both of you compromise, the more you may find yourself agreeing. You'll both likely find yourself beginning to enjoy the things you thought you would be simply enduring. So, in a strange round-a-bout fashion, the more you compromise the less you have to.
I would never claim to have a perfect marriage. No one has a perfect marriage. It simply doesn't exist. However, happy and satisfying marriages do. Marrying my husband has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. We complete each other in ways that I never knew were possible. I find joy in my marriage and so can you.
